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Posts Tagged ‘physics’

ankylosaur_trex

This is Eddie getting in a fight with Bojangles the T-Rex

So I was hanging out with my Dinosaur buddy Eddie. He’s an Ankylosaurus. A real smart Ankylosaurus. We’re pretty much best friends. He likes eating food and smashing toy soldiers like I do. One day me and Eddie were getting into a heated discussion about origin of the universe. I was very convinced that the universe was essentially a giant Oreo(I had Oreo’s and milk for a snack for lunch that day). Eddie told me that I was wrong, and said that the kosmos (I think thats how you spell it) was 17.23 billion years old, and began at the big-bang, and was definitely not an Oreo.

A little background on Edward; Eddie is like a hundred million years old. When he was resurrected through fossil DNA. They tested how smart he was, and he aced all there tests, and even got high scores on the ASVAB. Because Eddie was a bit different, the government offered him a place in our human world if he would just help them with their science program. It was either that, or a lifetime of being experimented on.

So naturally, Eddie became a scientist.

My name is Tommy. I’m only twelve. I go to a magnet school for mathematics. I met Eddie at an Iron-Man booth at a local Comic Con; which is the last place you’d expect to make friends with a dinosaur. But apparently Eddie likes super-heroes a whole lot.

We were at the park when the argument first started: “The Scientific-Method is the ultimate tool for knowledge and understand.” Eddie tells me. “It’s the best because we only believe in things that can be replicated by controlled experiment and rigorous blah blah blah.” Eddie likes to use big words to try and confuse me, but I see through his antics. “-We’ve been able to ascertain through radiation readings through our high-end techno-satellites that the universe used to be the a condensed to the size of golf-ball eons ago.”

“I don’t think we should believe in the big-bang,” I say, shooting one toy soldier with another. “We only think it exists because of some dumb satellites say that everything we see is moving away from us. How do we know we can trust them? They’ve changed the age of the universe seventy-gajillion times in the past century. That just tells us how much we don’t know.”

“But we only know what we know because of Science!”

“And as our knowledge grows, so does our understanding of the universe. We think the universe is just a ‘sploded golf-ball. But I think that the universe is a ginormous ocean. And in that ocean, there is an Oreo. That is were we live-  that is why we call this place the milky way.”

“That’s incredulous” Eddie says, all snooty. Then his tummy rumbles. “I’m getting hungry, do you wanna get a slurpee?”

“That sounds awesome!” We high five, and he picks me up by his tail and places me on his back. We started heading towards 7-11.

“Your a smart kid Tommy, how could you believe that we inhabit an Oreo when clearly, according to our science, the universe is expanding? How do Oreo’s expand?”

“Because the Oreo is in an ocean, dummy. So its getting soggy. It only looks like its expanding, when really its crumbling, like its in a cup of milk.  You scientists only believe what you see; but when the cookie crumbles, we will see the truth.”

“Meta-physical bollocks.” His tummy rumbles again. “Prove it to me with evidence.”

“Evidence? You’ve never replicated putting the whole universe into a golf-ball. Tell me how that even makes sense. Ever seen a golf-ball ‘splode into the universe? No. Because its stoopid. I’ve watched a cookie crumble in milk. Boom!” my hands go out making an explosion. “In your face, dino-dumb-head!

“As above, so below.” Eddie whispered to himself, almost like a question. I don’t know what that means. But he sounded like he was coming around. Eddie is a bit prideful, so I’m not going to rub it in. I’m thirsty, so I grab onto his horns and jump on his head.

“Arguing is boring,” I announce, “Lets race to the 7-11!”

“Yeah, That sounds like fun! FOR THE IRON-MAN!”

“Yeah! FOR IRON-MAN!!!”

Eddie bucked up on his hind legs and let out a primeval dinosaur roar, scaring away all the pedestrians as he dashed off into the distance towards our Slurpee delights, smashing everything in his path.

The Slurpees were real good.

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Francis Bacon- Inventor of Christmas, Modern Science, and Bacon. A true American Hero.

It was the 25th of December, or Christmas morning, and our hero was eating breakfast alone.

He didn’t realize he had the day off until halfway through making his eggs. And in any other scenario, realizing you don’t have to be up at such an ungodly hour in the morning would drive most people back to bed, and wait for everyone else to wake up to open Christmas presents.

Most people would of changed their mind after cooking up three strips of bacon.

So there he sat, all by himself at the table, eating breakfast. From the outside looking in, this would seem kind of dreary. But not to the man eating breakfast. This is because the man eating breakfast was a bit mad, and everything looks interesting to people who are mad. Always

On this particular Christmas morning he was wondering how he became to be so mad. On some days he blamed the weather, on others he blamed the law of parity- (if there was a difference between the two). But on this specific Christmas morning, he decided to blame his third grade science teacher, who was the first person to teach him that temperature was just another word for motion.

In other words, how hot or cold something was depended on how fast the matter was moving.

For example, cold rocks were ‘still’ by most peoples standards. But our hero could only look at a rock and see trillions of clashing atoms that made the appearance of a rock.

This type of thinking, if done frequently, will blow your mind. In fact it could make you mad.

“SLOW DOWN!!” the madman snapped and drew his hand back. He accidentally put his hand on the hot part of his stove when he was cooking.

“How about no,” replied the stove, “Do you want eggs with that bacon or not?”

The madman barked at the stove over from the sink, which was running cold water over his wounded palm. “Don’t be a smart ass,” he fumed “And I suppose I do- But I’m warning you,” he pointed at the stove with his good hand, “you give me anymore trouble and I’m replacing you with one o those induction cook tops!”

An induction cook top isn’t going to save you from being an idiot,” the stove whispered under his breathe.

“What was that?!”

“I said quit being a baby and lets cook some eggs.”

They madman and the stove resolved their conflict. Thankfully he bought a model that covered up his sarcasm and wit with its people skills. Otherwise the madman would be out of a stove, and the stove would be out of a good home.

Temperature was not the only thing his third grade teacher taught him about. The next week she gave a rather life changing lesson about the earth’s revolutions around the sun. This was nothing new to the child, this was something everyone learned when they were growing up. But this teacher decided to be different-

“Did you know that the Earth is rotating” she would remark to her pupils, “at a speed of One Thousand miles per hour?!

All the other children would drop their jaws. “WOW!” they would gasp, “Thats so cool!!”

All the children except the one that would become mad.

SCIENCE!!!

One thousands miles per hour was way. too. fast.

“What else can you teach us?” shouted one of his classmates.

“YEAH! Teach us more!” shouted another.

The child was already scared out of his mind. Paralyzed with fear. Why did learning have to hurt?

And that’s when she dropped the bomb, and disclosed to the whole class that as they thought they were ‘sitting still’, the Earth was orbiting around the sun at sixty-seven thousand miles per hour.

That did it, the child snapped. More than just a snap, he screamed at the top of his lungs. Squealed. Bellowed. Boomed. Exclaimed in fear. Most people can’t comprehend such sizes and speeds. But somehow, for a split second, somewhere in the neuro-chemistry of his brain, the child had the day-lights scared out  of him. And he made sure the whole school had heard him. And after everyone gathered their wits, they tried to calm him down.

This worked eventually, but this had struck a deep personal fear in him of motion of any kind that he would not get rid of for years to come, until he was in his mid to late teens.

He was so torn up by this ground shaking event, that year he actually sent a letter to Santa Claus with detailed blueprints on how to bring the Earth to a complete halt so that everything could return to normal, and told him to not bother with giving him any other ‘gifts’ unless it somehow involved his plans.

He didn’t get anything back for weeks, which told him that Santa was doing his job as usual. But On Christmas day he received a personal letter from Santa Claus which read:

Dear Child,

I’m sorry, but I’m not going to stop the Earths for you. It’s not ‘normal’, let alone possible. I can understand your fear. Sort of. The world is a big scary place, but let me tell you that the worlds motion is the last thing you need to be afraid of.

I didn’t get you anything else this year because you said not to. And I only did what you said because you were on the Nice List. Have a merry Christmas.

Sincerly,
Santa Claus

P.S.

Thanks for the cookies.

This did not make the child happy, But there was nothing he could do about it. Eventually, he would overcome his fear. After he realized that this was the nature of the universe and there was truly nothing he could do about it, he went off the deep end and kicked it off by flying a small plane, riding a roller coaster, and buying a motorcycle all in the same day.

Every once in a while, though, he thought about how the world was spinning. He didn’t do this to strike fear in himself. Rather he did it because it made things more hilarious.

For example, when a person trips and falls on their face, most people laugh just because its funny all by itself. But i is a scientific fact that its funnier is when someone trips while they are on a moving object, like a treadmillt. The Madman didn’t see a reason not to laugh extra hard when he saw someone trip on normal ground. Cause after all, they were really tripping on a walking ball. Albeit an earth-sized ball. Still, its funny. You should try it some time.

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Spoiler alert: The shoe hits him in the face.

Science was now a coping mechanism. Whenever something bad happened, it was easier to blame science rather than the folly of people. On one Christmas Eve, the madman went road on his bike down a two lane street, and was struck by a car that, for whatever reason, decided to leave its own lane on a two way street, and enter his. He did a front flip over the car and broke his arm landing on the ground. His bike had been totaled, and the car left the scene after they had assessed the situation was not favorable for them or their insurance.

For most people, it was all to reasonable to get mad at the driver of the car. But the Scientist new better.

“What the heck, man?”  he yelled at the ground. He began to get snappy with the Earth, “You know, people tell me to keep it positive and all the crap, but  sometimes its hard not to see how you’re not the source of all of my problems.”

“Hey, don’t take it personally, bud” replied the Earth in a low toned voice, ” I just think it would be safer if you drove cars for a while instead, they’re a lot safer. I mean, it could be worse. You could be dead.”

The madman looked at his arm, which by all appearances, was pretty mangled.

I suppose that’s fair enough” he returned. The Earth was very wise. Maybe the world wasn’t so bad after all.

Bacon-photo-1024x764

“Hey Earth?” he chimed back.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for the catch.”

“Anytime bud.”

One whole Christmas later, the Earth decided to repay him with a Christmas tree full of presents. And Bacon. The madman did not know which one was better yet, he would have to wait for everyone else in the house to wake up and open them. But for the time being, he enjoyed his bacon the most.

Christmas Bacon was for sure the best Bacon, just because it was made on Christmas. And because of that, he was thankful for everything else he had.

The End

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One may ask of the man who believes in environmental determination, whether the assertion of such a belief is nothing but the spouting forth of words in patterns  to which he was conditioned by his environment.

-David Bohm

It is the opinion of many educated men that the universe, at its core, is a deterministic entity, with absolutely no wiggle room for chance, banana’s,  or freedom of thought. Everything, ever is the result of a tight knit chain of cause and effect events, and apparent chaos and unpredictability is just the result of ignorance.

There’s a reason people think like this.

People used to think this way because back in the day the kings wanted to rule over everything you did and twisted religious scriptures towards their favor.

“God sees everything” they would tell commoners, “and I speak for him, so if you do a bad thing, you will be PUNISHED!”

But rather than helping control people, the plan backfired, and a lot of people had a lot of sex, engaged in heavy acts of violence and made blasphemous pagan-christian christmas tree crossovers out of pure rebellion.

Amidst all the chaos and confusion, the easter bunny gave birth to the catholic church to help solve all the worlds problems

After which, the Easter bunny was nowhere to be found until the centuries later with the invention of the mall, where he magically reappeared for no reason at all.

But i digress: Skip over roughly a millennium and a holy war later, after most of that unhappy stuff happened: Many men with funny mustaches decided it was no longer healthy to follow the orders of your priest, your politician, or believe in any God. With no one around but the Monty Python sketch comedy group to argue against their points, the world fell into a godless decline were Elvis could shake his hips on television and South Park got away with saying the ‘S’ word over one hundred times over basic cable.

But alas, something was very, very wrong. Somewhere along that timeline, someone realized that with no church or diety, no one was around to hold power over their heads and tell them what to do or go to hell, and they missed that. They needed someone to tell them what to do.

Shortly after Elvis danced on television, a man named Pierre-Simon Laplace wrote a poem, and went like this:

if you knew the initial starting point of every particle in the entire universe, you could hypothetically calculate what was going to happen from then until the end of time- and because you could do that, its safe to assume that everything ever is determined (hypothetically).

How Romantic. And to believe that’s the same poem he used to snag his wife.

Point is, the universe tells you what to do. And even better than that God you had had, you didn’t even have to wait until the next life to have it happen, you were being told what to do right now.

Although to this day no one has scientifically replicated Laplace’s speculations. Ever. In fact, evidence has been shown the  contrary is true- but that hasn’t stopped people from taking their own leap of faith and accepting it as a scientific truth anyway.

But on the same level, most people who aren’t into Laplace find the idea that everything ever, from your neighbor picking his nose, you sneezing last week, and the Vietnam war, was all determined an untold number of years ago, at some “big bang”, is stupid- As they should, because it is.

Many people assume that, aside from determinate and indeterminate events, there is a third party, a quality unconditioned by either side that domesticated primates (humans) call intelligence. Intelligence gives them the ability to learn and perceive what is real from what is not real, and gives them the option to pick out what they want out of the infinite possibilities the world provides them. If we did live in a world were everything was determined, all observations of that fact would be ultimately meaningless. With no third party perspective, how would you even be able to tell whats what? Buddha only knows that the universe could be lying to you.


In a truly deterministic world, not only are all your emotions, biology and actions of every waking second determined- but argument, scientific experiments and logical thought are all results of that exact same process. Everything you ‘see’, ‘believe’, and ‘discover’ was all really pre-ordained 14 billion years ago.

Whether or not this is true is irrelevant. What matters is that you believe it- because you ‘have to’. The logic behind all of this is probably why determinists are so hard to convince otherwise; but at the same time why they are all completely wrong.

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